On Beauty. Take Two.

Yesterday morning whilst I sat on the sofa drinking coffee in his hoody, my main squeeze wandered around the house in jeans and bare feet and I realised, from nowhere, that he had never looked more perfect to me. I don't even like feet. 

It was weird, how just that sight of him, bare footed and laughing in the living room, warming his feet over the roaring flames of the fire, gave me the absolute warm fuzzies. It was nothing special, and certainly nothing intimate and yet there was a strange sort of intimacy, a sort of vulnerability almost that I don’t know quite how to explain. 

He’s been in my life for a long time now, this guy: I’ve seen him in all guises, from naked to muddy and sweaty from a bike ride to dressed up in bow-tie and dinner suit; I’ve let him hold me as I cry and hold me as I laugh; I’ve sat by his side on days long car journeys, we’ve talked for more hours than I would ever like to try and count, and I’ve watched him sleep and yet it was that: a Sunday morning barefoot in his living room that almost left me breathless. 

It reminded me that sometimes the beauty in life is in the little things, the moments that you don’t even realise are moments at all until they pass. 

The beauty in life is more than just grand gestures and big declarations, more than hot dates and holidays and those expensive shoes you can’t really afford but are thinking of buying anyway – although all of those things are beautiful too. Sometimes, the beauty in life is whispers in the dark and a hand on the small of your back, it’s in reading between the lines, hearing what is said in the unsaid, in shared smiles and inside jokes and your head on his chest whilst he sleeps or when that two year old says she loves you for the very first time and it reminded me of a list I made once on this blog, of all the things I thought were beautiful. 
It made me want to revisit it, to make another list and see how much has changed, to remind myself that even when it all seems dark and hard and unfair  - and wow but sometimes it does - there is so much out there to fill me with joy, so much - like that one guy, barefoot in the living room - if I only remember to look for it.

This is that list (and should you be interested, this is the original).

  • The way Molly says ‘Jo’ and ‘snowman’ and ‘stickman’ and ‘where are you.’
  • Clean, fresh sheets
  • The seaside
  • The smell of the sea
  • Puffins
  • Kittens
  • Cat Paws
  • And cats washing their faces
  • And cats, generally
  • Sunflowers
  • Pretty book covers
  • And pretty words
  • Lightboxes
  • Books that get you
  • People that get you
  • Kisses
  • Scars
  • Alice in Wonderland
  • Passports
  • Lake Annecy
  • His smile
  • Old bookshops
  • Giggles
  • Sunsets
  • And sunrises
  • Road Trips
  • Sleepy morning sex
  • The insides of wrists
  • Coffee
  • Bear hugs from children
  • Patchwork quilts
  • Thunder and lightening
  • Photographs
  • Hipbones
  • Emotions
  • Freckles
  • My parents
  • That Guy.
  • Cacti
  • Ducklings
  • Inside jokes
  • Letting go
  • Old friends
  • New friends
  • Self belief