In which I rant about 'Real Women'



Things I hate:

Broccoli
Cold winter mornings when I just want to stay in bed
Lies
The sound of my alarm clock
And this real women have curves bullshit.

Oh dear. I’m perhaps about to do a rant. I’m sorry – I’m tired, I did not sleep well last night, I’m a little bit grumpy and I am pissed off.

I saw a thing today on social media, not unlike things I’ve seen all over the place and all of the time that usually make me grit my teeth keep on scrolling, some kind of alleged body positivity, talking about having curves ‘like women should.’

Erm fuck off (language, bad language. This post might have it. Soz) Those are the comments that piss me off.

I mean, I’m not curvy I’m just…not. Apart from my bum, that’s perhaps not quite in proportion with the rest of my 5ft 4” self. Am I less of a woman because I’m slight, because I’m not curvy, because my boobs are small, because I have that thigh gap that seems to be the worst thing a girl can possibly have? You want to know a thing, I like my thigh gap. Stop telling me it makes me a shitty person. Stop telling me I’m not a real woman.

The definition of the word real is this:

actually existing as a thing or occurring in fact; not imagined or supposed.

So when you say that real women have curves and take into account that I do not, that I have small boobs and a thigh gap are you somehow saying that I am imaginary?

I’m not by the way, imaginary I mean – I know this because I was pushing a  twin pram at the weekend and when I banged my shin on the bottom carry cot it hurt like a bitch. I’m surprised I didn’t bruise. But that ‘oh shitting hell’ of pain, it shows that I’m just as real as any other woman. Surprisingly.

All women are beautiful (except, it seems, us smaller ones) and people need to remember that. I am by no means what you would call skinny, I’m small but I’m not skinny. What I am, is not curvy and that’s ok. Embrace your curves; be proud of who you are, you should be, but please don’t feel better about yourself or make yourself more of a woman by somehow I am implying I am less than one. I didn’t choose my body shape any more than you chose yours. You don’t have curves like women should. You have curves. That’s how that sentence should end. Anything else is pitting woman against woman and is a competition that I am pretty damn sure none of us agreed to.

You are not your bra size, your hips, your cankles or collar bones, you’re not the marathons you run or the food that you eat, you are not your curves and you are not your size 8 jeans. You are not defined by the way you look, and however you look, you are no less real because of it. What you are is the way you laugh and the way you cry; the things that make you smile and the reasons you find to drag yourself out of bed in a morning; you are the photographs you take and the way you sing in the shower and the secrets you keep and the promises you make; you are your thoughts and you are your ambitions and you are your dreams. You are so much more than what you see in the mirror.

To suggest anything else is insulting and it sends out a terrible message and to say we should look a certain way – curvy - is just as terrible actually, as calling somebody fat. I don’t have a great body image and I don’t have a great relationship with food and it’s hard for me sometimes to look in the mirror and feel ok with what I see. Don’t make that harder for me by suggesting that the shape and size I am is somehow inferior to yours, that I am less, that I am not real and I am undesirable – that no real man would want me. That’s shitty and also brings me to another thing that I’d also like to put into Room 101 (such  a great show): Real men like curves.


Shut up. Real men (there’s that word again) like whatever attracts them personally: a flat stomach, an arse they can grab hold of, big boobs, small boobs, blonde hair, brown eyes, a dirty laugh, a shy giggle, a party animal, a bookworm.

Don’t imply I am less of a woman because I’m only a size 8 and don’t imply my boyfriend is somehow less of a man because he likes me that way. It’s nonsense.

I would never say to you that you’re too big to be desired, or that real men like thin chicks. I wouldn’t say it because I don’t think it’s true and I wouldn’t say it because I wouldn’t want to hurt your feelings. I have feelings too. (I also wouldn’t say it because OH HELLO MISOGONY, WHY SHOULD I EXSIST ONLY TO BE ATTRACTIVE TO A MAN. I am who I am for me, not for the amount of attention I get from a man but hey, another soap box;another day.)

Basically, taste your words before you spit them out, say you’re curvy and you love it, and leave out that ‘like real women should be’ nonsense, and remember being body positive means being all body positive, it doesn’t mean belittling the body shape that’s not the same as yours – what that is, is body shaming and it’s never okay.

Comments

  1. I couldn't agree more! I have the same body type, same height, small boobs, size 6 or 8 jeans depending on cut, slightly roundish butt, not skinny but certainly not "curvy". I am so sick and tired first of all of women being valued only for how they look and second of all this "real women have curves" bullshit. I am all in favor of getting rid of society's stereotypes of what is "beautiful" but this does not mean we replace the existing narrow definition of beauty with another equally narrow definition. No, the ideas that should be promoted instead are that first of all women are not objects and that we have more to offer the world than just our beauty or our sexuality, second all people should be valued for what's on their inside not their outside because that is where true beauty lies, and third, insofar as physical beauty will always be a factor to some extent, its definition is in the eyes of the beholder. There is no one particular thing that is or isn't beautiful. For every man who prefers curves, there is one who prefers a slender figure. And that man who prefers curves might find himself charmed by and head over heels in love with a thin lady because there is so much more to attraction than just what is on the surface. The haters are going to say that we are just pissed about this because a) we are ugly, b) we have small boobs, c) we are probably lesbians, d) we can't find a man, or e) all of the above. Wrong! I am generally considered pretty though this means little to me and my lack of curves have never kept me from getting a man. I have had several long and short term relationships, been married and have two kids. I am currently single by choice but have numerous men interested to the point I am literally turning them away. No, my issue is truly with this sick society we live in that objectifies women and pits us against each other causing low self esteem and no self respect to the point that some women will put up with abuse just to have or keep a man. We ladies need to stick together and support each other, not tear each other down! Side note: the worst of these posts on social media say something to the effect of "real men like meat, bones are for dogs". What a horribly degrading thing to say about thin women and the men who love them! I get that maybe the intent of this was to discourage women from feeling that they need to be thin to the point of developing eating disorders, but there has to be a better way to say it! I am naturally thin without huge curves.. This means that I am only worth the interest or love of a DOG?? Horrible! Please people let's embrace all women, all men, all races, all sexual orientations, all shapes, all sizes. Let's stop teaching hate and start teaching love and acceptance.

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